The gift of presence

I tweeted this out last night:

I think I'm learning this idea that the present is the only real thing we have. Even though I've heard Jesus say this idea countless times, it hasn't really hit me until today.

"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? ^{26 Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them.} Are you not much more valuable than they? ²⁷ Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?" - Matthew 6:25-27

Without realizing it, I've let the shame and regret of the past and the burden of the future distract me from the present.

I'm spending all this time examining who I was, how I behaved, and my motivations. I'm toiling over what I want for the future and how to get there, and my days speed past me.

I fear that I may have taken introspection and retrospectives too far. My regretful past and my uncertain future have become my present. And it's why I feel mostly lost and miserable.

This obsession over what's been and what might be has created in me an uncertainty and an avoidance of the today.

I feel like I've been looking for this silver bullet insight or this cosmic opening within that would enlighten me and help me figure out what I should be doing today.

I realize that the enlightenment won't come like that. My gut tells me that it comes from experiencing today as fully as possible.

For me, this means doing things where I actually feel alive, where I feel time passing, where I see a small indication that this might help me or others around me, and where I see something that feels like it could grow into something. It came from being fully present in the work of today without any real care or burden of the past or the future.

I am who I am now.

I've felt a burden to present myself in a way that perfectly encapsulates my past, my present, and my hopes for the future. I needed to be packaged well so people could understand me and, therefore, hire me, validate me, or believe in me.

But it's impossible—not because the perfect packaging doesn't exist, but because it's not true. I need to show up as the person who's living in the now, in the flow, in the curiosity, not that, plus whatever it is I've done or haven't done yet.

It comes from stumbling around until I am doing something that makes sense to me.

It now makes sense why I have so many things going at the same time:

• Consulting/Freelance
• Tucker Today (local newsletter project)
• Youtube
• Farsight (AI/self-discovery idea)
• Day job (product marketer)

I've been telling myself that I'm exploring or trying things out (which at the time was true), but now some of them feel like distractions.

I actually feel, for the first time in my life, the best thing I can do is focus on what's giving me the most life and energy in a way that centers me into the present. Maybe that feels compulsive. Or aligned. Oddly satisfying even?

That's what Farsight feels like.

Farsight is a way for people to connect with their now. It's the wedge of presence. What greater gift could I give? I really fucking believe that.

Not only that, I feel alive when I'm building it. My natural inclination to self-sabotage with distraction and overthinking melts away.

It seems like the only signal I need to follow.

More to come.

Love Dave