I'm David – I make and write things to help people feel present.

What happened when I stopped drinking

This is a sentence I never imagined writing.

Ever since I graduated college, I've enjoyed a drink or two or ten.

I remember living with my boys in a shitty apartment in Atlanta and easily clearing a 1L handle of Bulleit Bourbon or Tito's or Jameson on a weekly basis.

I'd pass out on a school night, drink in hand. Tbh, I definitely had a problem but didn't really know (or care) at the time.

It wasn't that I just liked getting drunk, I genuinely loved alcohol. Beer, wine, liquor in almost every variation and form – I truly enjoyed it. I appreciated the craft and the art of it all.

My drink of choice has and forever will be the dirtiest fucking martini in my vicinity. I'll also take a shitty shot and cheap beer. I'll knock back a few bottles of natty wine. I'll clear several bottles of soju. And I'll love every minute of it.

So it's to my utter surprise that on February 19, 2025, I stopped drinking. Cold turkey.

I didn't stop because I thought I had a problem or because I was "sober curious". I stopped because I heard that the health of sperm can impact both the health of the baby and mom during pregnancy. The health of the sperm being deteriorated by things like alcohol and marijuana. If I were to become a dad, I didn't want to jeopardize my wife or my kid's health just because I like Miller High Life. That was all the reason I needed to stop (for now).

Like I said, it wasn't some grand decision or something I thought about for a long time. I didn't wonder or journal about the potential impact, I just heard a thing, and stopped.

So, I really wasn't prepared for what would come next.

I had always heard stories of people's lives changing in unexpected ways when they quit drinking. People I admire like Kenji Lopez-Alt or my friend Amanda have talked about their battles with alcohol, and how quitting changed their lives, but I never seriously considered it for myself.

I couldn't grasp that stopping a seemingly innocent thing like drinking could have more profound ripple effects. I still don't understand, but I'm definitely experiencing it.

After I quit drinking here are some strange things that have happened:

• Increase in income
• Breakthroughs in my creative practice
• Clarity on identity
• Expanded work opportunities
• Growth in network

I can't definitively say that these things happened because I quit drinking or that they wouldn't have happened if I was still drinking, but I've definitely noticed a shift.

This post is not really to promote sobriety as much as it is an exploration of a metaphysical connection between how my decisions affect my growth.

Overall, I'd characterize this season of not drinking as "expansive". I just feel that there's more for me to learn, experience, and create.

Drinking for me has always been a source of comfort and escape. There's nothing like closing out the week, sitting in my backyard with a few glasses of bourbon.

After I stopped drinking, I didn't have that. In fact, it begged the question, "what do I need comforting from and what am I escaping?"

"Why do I need to numb and quiet my emotions? What am I running from?"

I realized that consciously or not, I've been running from myself. My fears about my life or future or identity. When the week and work quieted down, the questions became louder. I needed to silence them.

Without the ability to quiet them, I had to face them.

In facing them, I've found myself.

I had to raw dog questions like "what if my future work has nothing to do with my past accomplishments?" or "what would happen if I took creative work as seriously as 'business' work?" or "how else can I identify other than as someone who makes money?"

These questions are fucking gnarly. They rub up against the softest spots in my soul. They're questions of worth, masculinity, and hope.

I guess to answer my own question, maybe I've experienced this expansiveness because I've been having to face the brutality of these questions without any reprieve, and to find myself on the other side still alive, functioning, maybe even stronger for it.

Being on the other side of these questions and fears is someone who's uncertain but unblocked. As much fear as I feel, I feel equal amounts of power and self-belief.

It seems silly to me that an ice cold martini or a lukewarm bourbon was the thing standing in the way of all this, but maybe, just maybe it's true?

Chasing Creeks and the Infinite You

If you're new here, I'm David Kyle Choe. I write about becoming more myself and building my creative practice.

If you're enjoying my updates, I'd love if you'd share with a friend that might fw me (just link or fwd 😀). This year, I want to connect with more people who are building, failing, and thriving nonetheless.

For years I've been searching for a label. I craved being easily understood by those around me. Is David a founder? Entrepreneur? Strategist? Creative? Writer? Researcher? Husband? Freak?

What if I'm all of those things?

I can't cram all that into a 160 character Twitter bio.

It's been a huge source of anxiety and even shame for me. "How can you be the person who distills information for a living, and yet not even be able to distill yourself?"

This itch to figure it out and rewrite my Twitter bio often happens at turning points in my life. Moments when I shed an identity or gain one. Moments when I lack clarity or feel a lot of conviction. I want to package myself up with a pretty little bow and reintroduce myself to the world.

For the first time, I'm slowing down and asking myself, "why?"

Who benefits from understanding me in a simple, sterile, easy-to-grasp way?

My instinct is to say others. But when I peel it back, it's me who benefits.

The easier I can pitch myself, the easier the person on the other side could see how I could provide them value (or not).

In other words, the easier I was to understand, the easier it was to get paid.

My identity (or lack thereof) and the frustration that came with it have been tied to an outcome. No wonder it's been such a source of anxiety.

The truth is, I'm infinite. I'm entire worlds constantly colliding and blending and expanding. I can exist and thrive without dollars trading hands.

Without the pressure to commercialize myself, I'm free to be any number of things. I'm starting to see that it's in this freedom where clarity flourishes.

My creative practice looks weird. It's composed mostly of me chasing memories and rabbit holes, just to see what's on the other side.

When I was in middle school, I remember "chasing creeks" with my friend. We'd go deep into the woods behind my neighborhood, find a creek and run next to it as far as we could. Often, we'd come across a bigger pool or river or falls, and sometimes we'd jump in.

My creative practice is me doing that but on the internet lol.

Here are some of the creeks I've been chasing.

Memory Extraction

I've been doing this really fun exercise where I identify some kind of memory from my past and chase it down. It doesn't have to be some major moment, but just something that's stood the test of time.

It's been fun to just remember what I noticed and cared about over the years, but also to interrogate why.

I've studied shotguns, ferns, grillz, and traditional Chinese medicine through this exercise.

Making Dranks

One of the tangents that came from the Memory Extraction exercise was an exploration of the Schisandra Berry/Magnolia Berry/Omija. It's been widely used in East Asian medicines and cuisine, but I've never heard of it or tried it.

I bought some at H-Mart and started brewing it and playing around with recipes. It's a very unique flavor. It reminds me of rhubarb with the smell of oregano. It's very tart, slightly sweet, bitter and maybe even spicy?

My best recipe so far is a mix of honey syrup, fresh strawberry syrup, sparking water and the omija tea.

Designing

I've spent my whole career surrounded by and jealous of designers. The fact that they could have a thought and bring it to life is fucking amazing. It's a god-level skill, especially if you're good. Having had been surrounded by incredible talent like my friends Akoua, John, Andy, and more, I never wanted to even try. It frankly felt embarrassing. And I would not dare calling myself a designer and bring shame to my talented friends.

All that being said, I just said, "fuck it" and began playing. I started with my "business" Department of Anthropology. I put business in quotes because I feel like that title does it a disservice. It's more like my anthem.

Anyways, here are some designs I've actually made and liked. Maybe I'll be embarrassed by them in a few years, but fuck it, we ride.

I'll leave you with this quote:

“Your new life is going to cost you your old one.
It’s going to cost you your comfort zone and your sense
of direction.
It’s going to cost you relationships and friends.
It’s going to cost you being liked and understood.
It doesn’t matter.
The people who are meant for you are going to meet you
on the other side. You’re going to build a new comfort
zone around the things that actually move you forward.
Instead of being liked, you’re going to be loved. Instead of
being understood, you’re going to be seen.
All you’re going to lose is what was built for a person you
no longer are.”
― Brianna Wiest, The Mountain Is You: Transforming Self-Sabotage Into Self-Mastery

Sit in the mess

If you're new here, I'm David Kyle Choe. I write about the lessons I learn from building, practicing presence, and betting on myself.

If you're enjoying my updates, I'd love if you'd share with a friend that might also enjoy my writing. This year, I want to connect with more people who are building, failing, and thriving nonetheless.

My wife and I hit a financial milestone 8 months earlier than planned. This has had a bigger than expected impact on my mental space, specifically giving me some breathing room to ask myself "what do I want to do?"

Since December, I've been grinding on various side quests including AI-driven development but also consulting. I currently have four clients and a couple in the pipeline (on top of the day job lol). The work itself has been ok. Some clients are more interesting than others, some are easier, some are more challenging and require more time and effort. I didn't set out to do consulting this year, but have been blessed with these opportunities. If I'm being really honest, I'm not sure that beyond the money, I'm really interested in "building a consulting business". This is where things get muddy. Because we hit this financial milestone, increasing income, while great, is not necessarily the most important thing I need to do.

I've never really been in this situation before where money isn't the absolute number one driver of my decisions and how I spend my time. I like to make money, it's fun, but I think I have a real opportunity to think about how I make money.

I'm extremely thankful to be in this position and I'm equally confused. I started to feel a lot of anxiety and pressure to figure out my next move, to get things started, to make progress. I spoke with my good friend Amanda, and she encouraged me to just sit in the mess – and I'm taking this to heart.

Instead of thinking about my life as a series of accomplishments and financial milestones, what if I started thinking about it as a workshop? I listened to Noah Kagan's interview with Sam Parr this morning during my workout and Noah talked about this idea of "making waste." How we can envision ourselves as being inside a workshop with wood and dust everywhere and failed projects laying around. I feel like it's the perfect time to do just that.

In the last year alone I have generated a shit ton of "waste" around me: MacroAlts, PresentSelf, ChurchGivingGrader, and countless other ideas. Instead of letting the ideas sitting on my shelf haunt me and remind me of my lack of focus or failures, I can choose to see the lessons learned.

This concept of the workshop along side another concept of "open hands, open heart", which really is just about being present and open to whatever comes my way, are my guiding principles.

If I had to add some more ideals or guide rails around what's next I'd also include:

• Moving away from client services. While consulting can be great, it's still hand-to-hand combat. It's an extremely delicate art and science of balancing margin and effort. By working harder you effectively reduce the money you make and dilute your hourly rate. In the next idea, I'd love to do something that can make money without me.

Outside of that, I feel like I'm finally letting go of the particular shape of my next adventure. Having had been in startups and Silicon Valley culture for so long, I just assumed my business had to be some kind of technology startup – while it very might well be, it doesn't have to be.

This is how "open hands, open heart" shows up in practice.

I'm curious if anyone else is in a similar mind space and how you're processing.

Thanks for taking the time to read my thoughts and keep up with my journey. Even though it's a small number of y'all, I'm so thankful to have folks in my corner.

Bet on yourself.

If you're new here, I'm David Kyle Choe. I write about the lessons I learn from building with AI, practicing presence, and betting on myself.

If you're enjoying my updates, I'd love if you'd share with a friend that might fw me (just link or fwd 😀). This year, I want to connect with more people who are building, failing, and thriving nonetheless.

Here's a collection of thoughts, finds, and late nights that have been top of mind:

1. I'm experiencing a new kind of stillness and confidence for what's to come. I really have no plans or goals or ideas around what or how or when, but it's been really fun to operate from this place versus a place of anxiety, pressure, tension, and stress.
2. I'm really fucking grateful to be able even to write this, but I'm experiencing abundance and optionality. With that comes a real challenge around prioritization and focus. I've been working hard with Behzod to work through what to do when there's no right answer and many good options. While I wish I had a simple framework, it's been most helpful to filter my options against a single goal instead. In my case, "Which option allows you to expand on betting on yourself?"
3. I saw this tweet about Novak Djokovic's coach helping Djokovic through burnout, and it really resonated with me. The quote I've been thinking about the most is:
   1. "...the path out of burnout is “is through the very things I laid aside on the way to exhaustion. The very path I took to arrive at this hollowed-out, burned out state, is the path I will take out of my imprisonment, back to what is precious to me...what I have loved and have always loved since I was a child.”
   2. I'm grateful the universe guided me out of my burnout in this exact same way. I have talked about this in the past, but I feel like from 2020-2024, I actively neglected these parts of me in pursuit of success and resulted in me being miserable.
4. I'm still building PresentSelf, but have been running into a shit ton of technical issues. It's to the point where I wonder if it'll actually be faster for me to start over. I had a major issue with Cursor that I'd be waiting on them to fix (my complaint was also one of the most viewed posts in their community lol), and it stalled progress but also discouraged me. I'm still hacking away and using the previous version on my phone every day.
5. As much self-work as I've done and continue to do, it's still challenging to not make ego-based decisions. There's something deep inside me that seeks prestige and recognition. I'm realizing it's not going to just go away, and it's something I'll continue contending with.
6. In the last couple of months, I've gotten three inbound consulting projects worth five figures. Two of which are focused around on product marketing and "go-to-market" strategy. I tweeted about it a bit here, and I'm sussing out if there is a bigger opportunity here to scale my services, especially using AI to increase my margin and speed of outputs.
   1. I'm feeling excited but also surprised because I didn't expect myself to be excited about a service-based business. But with AI, everything seems more interesting and less stressful. This tweet from Greg Isenberg also touches on his prediction on the rise of agencies in the AI world.
7. I spoke to my buddy Paul Jun about this, but I've been feeling pressed about missing the AI wave. I was there when web3 and NFTs first started getting popular – I even joined some projects and bought NFTs, but I only lost money on it all. I'm feeling pressed to actually take advantage of what feels like an even bigger wave. I'm reminding myself that even though I haven't made an "AI Company" or raised money, I'm at least in the water and learning tools and using AI every day in different ways.
8. I loved this Opportunity Prioritization Framework by my coach Behzod.
9. If you're interested in AI in any way, please reach out. I'm actively playing with a half dozen different tools at any given time. My current AI stack is this: Replit for web-based app building, Cursor for desktop based/app coding, v0 for design, and Claude for literally everything (tax planning, financial planning, life coaching, consulting). I'm also playing around with Gumloop for agent building.
10. I've taken a hiatus from content (mostly because I was chasing my bag), but I'm bringing it back in the new year. This is a majorly lame excuse, but one reason I didn't want to film was because I just hated the look and quality of my videos. For that reason I decided to sell my Sony ZV-1. My boy John is helping me sell it. Please take a look here if interested. I'm thinking about replacing it with a Fujifilm XS-20 that John recommended. Better video, interchangeable lens, and color that I fw heavily.
11. I started my cut on January 6th. I'm down 4 lbs this week by just not eating like a monster and sticking to my plan. The rough estimate goal is to get down to 180 lbs. This will be the lightest, leanest and hopefully most shredded I'll ever have been. I'm excited.
12. I decided this year that I want to buy a watch. Specifically a Rolex DateJust. I'm still deciding on model, but I realized I really want one. I've tried on probably 10 Rolexes and it's made me very happy each time.
13. This is related to #12, but Behzod suggested a really funny but smart idea: larping as a millionaire. The insight is that most people just assume certain things will make them happy instead of actually putting it to the test. I told him recently that I wanted a Porsche Cayenne. He told me to go rent one for a day to see if I'd even like it. I took his advice and downloaded Turo. It's $83/day to rent a 2019 Cayenne which is .0009 the cost of a new Porsche 😂. I'll report back.

2024 Annual Review

This year was one of the most important and life-changing years of my life. I just wrapped up my annual review from my incredible coach, Behzod, and thought I'd share some insights.

I'm also stealing Michael Karnjanaprakorn's substack format, so thanks, Michael!

1. My biggest lesson was to stop "outsourcing responsibility." There's a lot to unpack here (and probably worthy of its own post), but long story short, I realized how much I've outsourced responsibility to others – whether it was wealth, health, fun, etc., it's a terrible thing to do. This year, I take full control.
2. The second equally impactful lesson was the power of presence. It's so impactful that I started building an app around it, making content, and diving deep into the philosophy of presence. I tend to be an avoidant person. Whether it's pain or conflict, I just don't want to feel those things. Now, I have the ability to sit with discomfort and pain and let it pass. I think this is something I'll be studying for the rest of my life.
3. Gaining real control over my finances changed my mental health. This year was financially painful (especially in the beginning), so I wanted to change that. Through conversations with my friend Alex and by listening to Ramit Sethi, we redid our finances, and it's completely changed my daily anxiety. Knowing how much is being spent, saved, and invested is incredible. Also, Angela and I opened separate checking accounts where we have our own "guilt-free spending," which has changed our marriage for the better. It's not much, but the few hundred bucks I can call "my own" is liberating.
4. I had 7 major goals for the year and hit 4 of them (get to 1000 subscribers on Youtube, get a new job, launch a business, build freelancing income). I knew 7 was lofty, but better to go big IMO.
5. Cutting is more physically challenging but better mentally than bulking. In April, I hit about 192 lbs. I'm currently sitting at 213 at the end of my bulk. This next cut I am aiming to get to about 180 lbs. It's wild to see how much my body has changed already while also acknowledging there's so much more to come.
6. It's okay for me to want stuff. For the longest time, I thought living this minimalistic and ascetic lifestyle was the pinnacle of gratitude and self-control, but there's a line. If I genuinely like and appreciate the quality and craft of something, it brings me joy and spurs me to work harder – that's not a bad thing. Long story short, I want a Porsche.
7. I started doing "homework for life" from Matthew Dick's Storyworthy. Basically, it requires you to note anything that makes you feel something every day. I failed because I didn't do it every day, but it's helped me so much in not letting the days just pass. Having to notice what's moving my spirit every day is a really important exercise.
8. Travel is as important as exercise. This year, I was able to travel a lot (Hawaii, Vancouver, New York, Oregon, San Francisco, and Europe). It's so important for me to experience this displacement.
9. I now identify as a builder. We are the stories we tell ourselves. And it's important for me to say this out loud. The building is made possible due to advances in AI and tools like Replit and Cursor, but the spirit of building is all mine. I have a voracious appetite and curiosity to build more things that serve me and others well.
10. I have to trust my gut. This year I cut ties with someone that I trusted a lot. My gut was always speaking, but it remained ignored – until the end.

I'm sure I missed some things, but I'm moving into 2025 with determination and resolve that I haven't felt before.

I don't really want to make predictions or goals – all I want is to experience the full impact of taking my life by its proverbial balls. I think there'll be a lot to write about in my 2025 review.

Happy New Year. Thanks so much for sticking with me through everything, it means the world to me! <3

DKC

Present vs Future: A Founder's Raw Update (and Why I Lost All My Code)

Hi, everyone! I hope you all are gearing up for the end of the year. As of this update, we have 26 days left in 2024.

Most years, I tend to do some kind of retrospective and planning for the year to come. If you've been following along, you know that I've been really focused on one thing: presence.

In doing so, I've been rejecting my old habit of thinking too far into the future and daydreaming about "what could be." This is true of PresentSelf AI, my job, and really most aspects of life. Instead, I've been really focused on what's in front of me, fully experiencing the range of emotions that come with today.

So, how does one think about and plan for the future while remaining present?

I don't have a good answer, but one thing I'm starting to grasp is that I don't need to "deposit" my current happiness within my future plans.

It's so easy to say, "Once I achieve this future goal, then I'll be happy." This is actually the fundamental principle of how many people plan. They delay feeling content/happy/satisfied to some distant moment in the future.

What if you can be fully content, satisfied, and grateful in the now and yet fully expectant of more in the future?

I'm not sure what it actually looks like to embody this idea, but I'm doing my damn best.

[Emotional State]

If I'm being honest, it's been a STRUGGLE the last several days building PresentSelf. I switched over from Claude to Cursor because I read this tweet thread about how much easier it is to code because Cursor can make real changes within your code files.

This is true, but it's a two-edged sword. Because Cursor has file control, it deleted some critical source code which set me back quite several days. I've not been able to successfully build the app in xCode in a few days, which is making me extremely nervous.

[Techinical State]

The nervousness brings me to the technical state of things.

In losing that source code earlier this week, I've basically been forced to refactor the entire app. I hope it's one of those things in a couple of weeks where I look back and think, "I'm lowkey glad it happened." But right now, it's the pits.

I addition to several days of rewriting the app, Cursor has been unresponsive for the last couple of hours. This is extremely concerning in that I don't really have another way to code it. Maybe I can try a different AI IDE?

I've mostly been working on getting Test Flight ready so that people can actually try out PresentSelf. I know it's not supposed to be easy, but really didn't expect it to take this long lol.

[Growth State]

I have not been able to spend enough time on growth/marketing with all the produce issues I've been facing.

I'm not sure if it's the lack of time to work on it or what, but I've been feeling a bit down about growth. I am feeling a lot of self-doubt about whether or not I have the growth chops to gain attention for this thing. This is really weird because it's one of the only things that I feel really deserves any attention.

I think I just need to get more practice and swings at bat.

Update // Build Log -4

Quick Update

Hi, y'all! As you can see, I've moved platforms and consolidated my "online presence" into this blog. It's mad old school, but I actually spent a lot of time thinking about the best way to organize my digital self and landed on this ancient technology.

Here are some quick hits on where I've been and what I've been up to:

• Went to Europe for two weeks and hit up Lisbon, Barcelona, London, and Paris and had a magical time. You can read up on my favorite bars here and my experience seeing god through architecture here.

• I've been on a bulk and have been focused on increasing strength and size. Slowly coming along.

• I started working on a new idea called PresentSelf AI, a self-reflection and breathwork app. It's been really fun to get into the deep end of iOS development (I know nothing) and an amazing journey into immersive work.
• I've been practicing this idea of presence, which has been incredibly powerful. I've revamped much of my work/thinking/content to revolve around it.
• We re-did our finances and budgeting and it's really changed my life in a good way. Knowing where every dollar is coming from and going and having a solid plan for different savings and investment goals is really cool.

Now, back to the regularly scheduled programming:

[Emotional State]

Coding is extremely frustrating. One thing works, and then another fails. Working through frustration is difficult for me. I feel a bit embarrassed and childish admitting that, but it's real. I'm grateful that I've been able to push through despite the frustration.

I'm still really bought into the power of this app and this idea of presence. I think we're collectively realizing that things will only continue to become more chaotic. There's no "returning" to normal (whatever that means), and because of this, I am sensing people are searching for ways to cope or, even better, evolve. Practicing presence is one way to evolve.

[Technical State]

I'm stuck in the firebase portion of the build right now. For some reason, it's been impossible for me to actually get this to work (which is a fucking huge part of the app if I want users, lol).

I can't get past the keychain permissions, no matter how many times I try. It's driving me fucking crazy.

If you're an iOS pro... please help.

[Growth State]

I started recording TikTok. None have taken off (yet). Is this like my sixth pass at TikTok content? At least this time, I know it takes time and a lot of experimentation to figure out a format that works.

I've also been sharing on Twitter. Nothing has really come of that other than it's been good to just brain-dump live there. It's more like a live-log of how I'm doing.